“The Thinning” distorts dystopia

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Tommy Ludin

I love awful movies, so when I found out that Logan Paul was going to star in one, I was beyond excited. Little did I know, this movie was going to be one of the worst things I have ever seen.

Let me start by saying that this movie was extremely difficult to sit through—and I watched this one hour and thirty minute YouTube Red web film to completion.

The movie is about this stupid test that all kids have to take every year, that determines if you live or die. The test is named the “Thinning.” Get it, like thinning the population? I would like to mention that the government lets first graders take the test. So yeah, the government in this movie kills six-year-olds.

The movie starts off with a 17-year-old named Blake. But I’m just gonna call him Logan Paul, because that’s who he’s played by. Anyways, he’s sneaking out of his house. This house has like fifty guards and all it takes for Logan to get out was a jump of a two-foot fence.

He sneaks off with his girlfriend to his neighbor’s pool just to be caught. Now, on the night before the ‘big test,’ you would think he would be studying for his life. But no, he’s just chilling with his girlfriend with no problems.

The story then cuts to total dweeb Laina, or Peyton List from the hit movie “Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules.” She is tutoring a young student for the ‘big test’ the next day.

The kid is too stupid to pass so he asks Laina for one of her ‘super techy contacts’ that lets him see all the answers for the test.

The doctor then calls about Laina’s mother who is currently in the hospital. So Laina goes to the hospital to find her mom, and her mom isn’t taking her meds and is about to die. She then has to take care of her two younger siblings.

Logan is seen asking Laina for her ‘super techy contacts’ but it turns out the ones she gave to the kid were her last ones.

Logan then panics, not knowing if he is going to pass. Maybe he shouldn’t have come to her three minutes before the test starts to buy the stupid cheat contacts, I don’t know.

So the test begins and they are done within 20-seconds. I have no clue why a test determining if you live or not is so short. It turns out that Logan’s girlfriend is taken away because she didn’t pass the test.

Logan then throws a temper tantrum, grabbing a fire extinguisher and bashing one of the guards heads. The girlfriend manages to escape the guards grasp but her friends won’t let her pass. What awesome friends.

So the girlfriend is taken, and probably killed, because she ‘failed the test’. The movie then time jumps a year to their final “Thinning” test as seniors.

Laina is then quizzing her little sister, who is on her way to taking her first ‘test’. They give these tests to first graders. Laina is not even worried about her sister and the movie forgets about the little sister for about an hour.

Logan thinks it’s unfair that his stupid girlfriend was taken away from him. So Logan devises a genius plan, and makes a video saying that he is going to purposely fail the test to be with his lady.

The dad finds this video after Logan has started the test, and freaks out. He grabs an antique chair that he was just sitting on to then smash it on the ground. The scene gets me super scared and intimidated by the dad. Just kidding, this scene is garbage.

The dad does everything in his power to keep his son alive. So he calls into the school making a few changes to his sons score because the dad is the almighty governor.

Laina scored a 98%, and fails the test. Obviously, this is not possible because she is super smart and got a great score.

This leads to many questions. Questions like: if they wanted to better their society why would they take out the girl with one of the higher scores and not one that just made it on the cut off?

There would be no more questions asked. But back to the story, the government has just messed with the wrong chica. Laina has 99 problems but the government ain’t one. She is taken to die then escapes and hacks their computers.

She then exposes everyone’s test scores and showing that the school is like totally corrupt. The parents want their children back.

But wait, surprise—None of them actually died. They were just making tablets for the kids to take the test on, in a secret base.

Verdict: This movie is garbage, never watch it.