Everyone does Christmas their own way, but they’re all wrong.

Whether it is several viewings of Olive the Other Reindeer (criminally underrated Christmas movie), several more spurts of my mom exclaiming, “Jesus is born!”, or just general tomfoolery, the McClatchy Christmas has something for everyone.

Our Christmas traditions have really changed as my two older brothers have gone to college and come home later than we started the traditions in years past, but I’ll roll with our modern routine as it is far more entertaining to the masses.

It all starts around a couple weeks before Christmas when my younger brother (that’s three bros now, keep track), my dad, and of course yours truly grind it out and set up some zesty Christmas lights in the front and back yard. This is usually done on a Saturday, and the next day, Sunday, we decorate the interior of McClatchy Ranch for Wayward Boys, with the army of Santas we keep in the attic along with my man Frosty who sits on the front porch.

Then there is a bye week to mentally prepare ourselves for the older, less cool McClatchy brothers returning home. During the bye week, the lights crew and mom venture to a far away, distant land called Home Depot, where we grab a big tree. I’ve dubbed each tree each year “the big boy” but no one else appreciates my comedic mind, so we’ll move on.

The tree sits undecorated in our side room until the terrible two show their ugly mugs again and that night we clothe the big boy (yes, I knew you guys would buy in).

“The best part of Christmas for me is setting up the tree. We all stop what we are doing for two or three hours, listen to Christmas music, and enjoy being a family. It’s the last decoration we put up and it is definitely the most fun and the prettiest one we have,” Jack McClatchy ’17 said.

After the big boy is clothed, we do this really late with the older two at college, it usually transitions smoothly into Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve is pretty normal for McClatchy standards: my mom and dad pretty much recite the entire script of “It’s a Wonderful Life” throughout the morning, I usually tease my dad and brother Max McClatchy ’14, about the Detroit Lions because they usually are losing, and are just on the edge of our seats until we go to my grandmother’s house for Christmas Eve dinner and gift exchanging.

The time at my grandmother’s and with the family is one of, if not my favorite, part of the Christmas season. We usually stay later to help my grandmother clean up after the rest of the family, those barbarians (I kid, I kid, maybe) have left. Then after we clean and just spend some quality time with my grandma, the McClatchy clan heads home, but the night is just so young.

We usually get home around eight in the evening, and watch our favorite Christmas flick, “Olive the Other Reindeer.” For the uncultured of you who have no idea what this fine film is about, it is about a pet dog named Olive who ventures to the North Pole to sub in for Blitzen, who has broken his leg. There is so much more to the movie, including a conman penguin and a nefarious mailman, so you really need to see the movie for yourself.

“My favorite part of Christmas is watching Olive the Other Reindeer. Ten out of ten best Christmas movie ever,” Tim McClatchy ’21 said.

After we partake in the viewing of Olive, the gang moves on to the deadliest sport known to man, karaoke. Now karaoke is mostly Christmas music, about 95%, but there are some other jams just too jamming to gloss over like Careless Whisper by George Michael. Although I do not partake in karaoke, just not the singing kind of guy, it’s just as fun sitting in the peanut gallery sipping eggnog (the greatest drink of all time, possibly ever).

By the time karaoke is over it’s around two in the morning and we slowly fade into sleep until the next morning. We wake up and do what every other family does, we go down to the big boy and open our presents and the morning is filled with, “Haha, I knew you were getting that,” or “Luke, stop calling it the big boy you moron.”

The day is filled with messing around with whatever we got for Christmas, we’re all in high school or college but at least one of us gets something with which we can shoot the other three. After we go to Christmas morning mass, the classic Christmas brunch of creamed chipped beef comes a crankin’. Again, my mother must interject with “Jesus is born!” (You should hear her at Easter—same situation, but she says “Jesus is risen.”  Never really calms us down.)

After we spend Christmas Eve with my dad’s side of the family, we spend Christmas night with my mom’s side in a much more casual manner. Meaning, me wearing my classic 76ers sweatshirt and the McClatchy clan preparing every finger food you could ever think of.

“My favorite part about Christmas is helping mom prepare the finger food buffet and getting it all set up bellowing out cheesy 80s tunes,” said Max McClatchy ’14. “Just how casual it is and who we have over just really makes it my favorite Christmas tradition.”

So after Christmas night and eating enough to make another me, we say goodbye to my aunts and uncles and it’s back to normal.  Or at least as normal as we can get until New Year’s rolls around…