SATIRE: In an effort to better reach student’s interest, Stewart Hall will switch to a new menu in which only pizza is served.

This ain’t Michelle Obama’s menu, Malvern.

While this might seem like a drastic change, Director of Food & Beverage Mr. Tom Gray said not much will actually change.

“It’s honestly not too different,” Gray said. “Basically we’re serving all the same food, but it’s just served on a pizza. Sushi? On a pizza. Quesadilla? On a pizza. Yogurt Bar? On a pizza.”

Gray did admit that there will be one notable exception.

“Whenever we do breakfast for lunch, we’re not actually going to put waffles on the pizza,” he said. “We’re putting the pizza on the waffles. I just want to mix it up a little bit, keep people on their toes.”

Math teacher Mr. Jim Stinger is a fan of the change.

“Generally I say, ‘Pizza Pasta.’ Now that’s going to have a new meaning,” Stinger said. “It used to mean pizza or pasta, but now it’ll be pasta on the pizza. Also, students can finish pizza with one hand and stack their chair with other. Very efficient.”

This story is satire and not intended as news. Happy April Fools’ Day!