The Student News Site of Malvern Preparatory School

Friar's Lantern

The Student News Site of Malvern Preparatory School

Friar's Lantern

The Student News Site of Malvern Preparatory School

Friar's Lantern

Film Failures: Troll 2

I was thinking about some of the most popular bad movies of all time, and instantly Troll 2 came to my mind.

This month, “The Disaster Artist” came out. The movie is about the creation of one of the worst movies of all time “The Room.” There is only one other movie that is just as notorious: “Troll 2.”

 

The movie starts off with our protagonist, a “relatable” eight year old boy, being told a story by his dead grandfather. The kid can see his dead grandfather, it’s weird. The story is about the existence of goblins and if you eat green food you become a goblin.

Now you might be thinking, goblin? Isn’t this movie supposed to be about trolls? Well, apparently not. The entire movie is about goblins. Yipee?

The kid and his dead grandfather are interrupted by the kid’s mother who tells him to “banish your grandfather from your memory.” Like, calm down. The kid is just imagining that his dead grandfather is with him, that’s not a bad thing.

Next, we cut to our protagonist’s sister. Her boyfriend sneaks into her room and she automatically gets mad at him. She is upset with him because he keeps spending too much time with his guy friends.

She is kind of right to be mad at him though, this guy is like obsessed with his guy friends. He refuses to leave anywhere without his dopey friends.

The kid and his family go on a vacation to a town called “Nilbog” and the boyfriend and his boyfriends follow behind in an RV. You might be wondering why the town is called “Nilbog.” Well, spell “Nilbog” backwards. Yep, it’s pretty stupid.

When the family gets to their house, the people who stayed in the house before them left a bunch of food. But it turns out all the food is green! Zoo-Wee Mama, the green food is going to turn them into goblins!

So the kid uses his magical dead grandfather powers to freeze time and pee all over the food. I mean, I guess that’s a way to get his family to not eat the food, it’s just super gross. His dad gets mad and kind of implies that he might hit the kid. I don’t know, but he gets very handsy with his belt.

Snap back to the brodacious boys in their epic RV. One of the boys sneaks out and sees a girl. He follows her and is quickly impaled by a spear. The boy and the girl stumble along and find a house.

They go in to find help but are greeted by an overacted witch, who sends goblins to eat the girl. They eat the girl, and the realization that he might die dawns on the boy. Now, I want you to stop reading the story and look up “Troll 2 Oh My God.” You won’t be disappointed.

Moving on, people are killed off one by one. To be honest, the middle is kinda boring and nothing really happens. People are just killed off. The only thing worth while that happens is when one of the boys drowns in popcorn. Like, what?

In the end, the kid eats a ham sandwich and that kills the goblins. No, I’m serious. That’s how the goblins are defeated.

The family goes home, the sandwich had been eaten and everyone has a happy ever after. Until a baseball rolls down the stairs with a message for the kid to find his mother. When he does, his mom has been eaten by Goblins, maybe one sandwich wasn’t enough.

In the end, “Troll 2” is a hilarious movie that’s hard to describe. What makes it funny is not what happens, but how it happens. If you want an idea of what I’m talking about, look at clips online. I am sure you will have a huge laugh.

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