Christmas Gifts on a Budget

Jack Marchesani

Wow, that’s some good-looking eggnog you’ve got there. Yes, you look like you’re enjoying yourself there. But wait… what’s that? It’s starting to wear off? Where are you? What date is today? Well, my friend, you’re sitting beside the warmth of your families Christmas tree.

Oh, and as for that when question… you should know that! It’s Christmas Eve… and 8 o’clock too! Only four hours until Christmas, right? Fun! Wait, stop freaking out. Relax, relax. What? What? YOU HAVEN’T BOUGHT ANYTHING YET!?!?! This is terrible. How much money do you have? $30!

Well, you are lucky, because you’ve come to just the right person for help. I actually consider myself a voodoo master ninja of buying lots of things, in little time, with little money, when almost no stores are open! So yay… I guess!

Just saying, nothing productive or good will come of this.  But here’s three options to consider.

1. An Empty Bowls Ticket
Cost: $25 for an adult/ $15 for a child
Description:  What’s better than to give back, right? Empty Bowls is Malvern’s annual fundraiser in which hundreds of bowls made by Malvern students and local ceramicists are sold (you’ll receive one with your ticket and can purchase or bid on more) with the proceeds going to the Bethesda Project, one of the most well-recognized organizations supporting the homeless and needy in Philadelphia. It’s a fun event where you can give back, get a cool bowl, and eat some soup. There’s those free soup crackers too (and you know that’s the only reason anyone orders soup)!
Where to Get It: www.mpemptybowls.org

(And I swear Ms. Plows didn’t put me up to including this on the list.)

2. Gift Card.  To Anywhere.
Cost: Whatever you want, man. You can give your Uncle Gertrude a gift card to Wegmans for $0.08 nowadays. This is seriously a thing.
Description:  Always works. Never fails. Literally, just get them a gift card. No one actually knows what they want.

Where to Get It:  Everywhere. Seriously…

3. Anything But Socks.
Even underwear. Used. The sight of socks under the tree will upset whoever you’ve gotten them for. Whatever eggnogged-up logic you’ve used to conjure up the idea of getting socks is wrong.  Just don’t get socks. This is your only guideline. I can guarantee you will get socks, however.

Happy holidays, Friars.