AP Environmental, Marine Biology to dissect great white shark

Dan King

SATIRE: After experimenting with dissecting baby shark parts, the environmental science and marine biology classes will dissect an adult great white shark next year.

Honors Marine Biology is one of the most popular classes at Malvern because of the annual trip to Florida, but it’s about to get even more popular. Next year, both the Marine Biology classes and AP Environmental Science classes will be dissecting an adult great white shark.

AP Environmental Science dissected a baby shark parts and the trial was great. Science teacher Mr. Matt Boccuti said, “All the students really enjoyed it and we decided that this would be an even better experience.”

Many students have heard this and have changed their minds about which class they will be taking next year. Sophomore Sam Ford was deciding between physics and marine biology. He said, “I am definitely taking Marine Bio now.”

Students are excited about this, but many have one interesting question: Where will a large great white shark go on campus?

Head of Maintenance Mr. Jeff Kinney and Boccuti came to the conclusion that they would have to have it delivered and dissected on the same day.

Kinney said, “We knew there would be problems since the beginning, one of which was getting the shark in the building. We knew it would be hard.”

Boccuti said the solution they came up with is to dissect the shark outside on the newly built Octopus Stage.

English teacher Mr. John Bohannon is extremely excited about this use. “This is just spectacular,” he said. “I think we should rename it the shark stage.”



This story is satire and not intended as news. Happy April Fools’ Day!