This fall, like many years past, intramural athletic teams from ninth to twelfth grades assemble to make Malvern’s “Joe Redican Intramural Football League.” Weeks of competition culminate in a final champion, with each week teams battle to secure a better playoff spot. League play takes place during Community Time on Tuesdays with sixteen teams competing at the highest level. This year, an upsurge of mischief and malfeasance has taken over the league. While the season was off to a great start, players began leaving the fields and games without cleaning up the fields or returning footballs. However, the most surprising incident of all was the theft of a football that went missing at the end of the second week’s games. A heist the likes of which is only rivaled by the recent robbery at the Louvre. This resulted in a pause of the games at only week three, as it sent shock waves through the dedicated intramural community and left them wondering where the football had gone. 

Amidst this drama and upheaval, two brave reporters, Benjamin Crawford and Liam Matlack, took it upon themselves to locate the football and get to the bottom of this mystery. When Ben was interviewing a student participating in the league, Scott Kennedy, he stated, 

“It’s just honestly out of line. We need to keep the footballs safe because without them, we wouldn’t be playing this great sport of intramural football.” Then he was caught saying, “Actually, I can’t be on this interview, [redacted] might hear this.” We can’t disclose the name due to legal reasons. 

This led to suspicions being raised. Kennedy was not very open to the interview in the first place, already putting us on alert. Who was he talking about? To finish the interview, he went on the record saying, “I know this wasn’t an accident, and someone did it on purpose. But I can’t name names.” What does Kennedy know that we don’t? What secret is he hiding? All we know is that Kennedy’s team, the Ozarks Lunkers, is very suspicious. 

As the intrepid reporters keep digging through the metaphorical grapevines, they hear that the ball is still on campus and hasn’t left the Ring Road. Following up on what Kennedy said in the recent interview, we decided to follow him even more closely to find out whether he was the one who destroyed the start of the season. 

Ben then hurried off to interview a passionate player, Rocky Corrigan. 

“With a history so deep and so rooted in this school, it’s something that we dedicate ourselves to. And I think that the fact that the league has been disrespected in such a way is really a shame.” He said, when asked how he felt about the situation. When asked where he was when the football went missing, he went on the record saying, “I was on a one-week suspension from the league, so I had to be in the accountability block. I have a few prospects in my mind for who took it, but I can’t say for sure.” Rocky was suspended? Hmm. It seemed like a solid motive, so Ben pressed for more. Would you be one to steal a football, Rocky? The CSI went silent; you could feel the tension in the air. “Ben, I’m a valued member of the Zappers, I love my team, I love the organization, and would never want to steal a football.” Corrigan had effectively eased tensions. But this just shows how much players care for this league, and how much this unknown bandit has affected it. Ben decided to cross Atlanta Zappers off the suspect list. 

The week after, games resumed with the football’s whereabouts unknown. Then, something happened. As Ben walked into his AP U.S. History class, he spotted Mr. Hill, his upper school history teacher, carrying a football. Interesting. Ben confronted Mr. Hill and demanded that he go to Mr. Burke’s class across the hall. They rushed across the hall and presented the football to Burke. He studied the ball shortly before concluding that it wasn’t one of his. He explained how the intramural footballs were labeled with his name and all other footballs should be disregarded, which sparked an idea in Ben’s head. 

Ben and Liam discussed and decided to go consult with the commissioner of the league, Mr. Andrew Burke. So, Liam enters the commissioner’s office with a pen and pencil, ready to break down the information. Mr. Burke started immediately saying he has little time, but we can interview if done quickly. 

Liam asked Burke his initial reaction, and his face immediately grew tense,  “Extreme Anger.. When you’re setting up and everything, trying to run a program, somebody had the ball. They know where it belongs; it has my name on it, so it’s very infuriating.” Liam could easily see the stress build up within Commissioner Burke. “Just give the ball back, man.” 

Mr. Burke answered the following question regarding the first steps and whether he had any pushback. “I began wasting time in my day looking under benches and a fence, and then in the end, we decided to suspend Intramurals until the ball is found. There was a slight push back, but what are they [players] going to do against it?” 

Mr. Burke, do you believe this could have been an inside job or a fellow Inter-Ac school affecting our Brotherhood? “That’s actually a good point. I should have probably looked at the record of who lost during the season, so that’s where we can find suspects,” said Burke. Regarding the fellow Inter Ac school question, Mr. Burke turned it down almost immediately, saying, “Man, I think this might be an inside job or just Malvern kids in general.”

Liam noted that there would be no point in interviewing outside of the ring road; however, we have narrowed our search to players or teams in the MP Intramural League. 

The final question surrounded how this incident or scandal would go down in history. Burke concluded with, “This wouldn’t stop the steroid incident in 2010, but it is up there.”

After the interview, Liam and Ben came together to share the news. There were no new leads to chase, but the field narrowed. The ball is still on the campus. The season was coming to an end, and our investigators were starting to come up short. 

Then, realization hit. The intramural league operates on two fields, and in between the two is an ongoing construction site, currently building Malvern’s new Student Life Center. The chances are high that the ball made its way into the site, either on purpose or by accident. Maybe there was no heist after all, and we were chasing a case that never happened. But Kennedy had said this wasn’t an accident; was he lying?

As of publication, this mystery is still inconclusive. We can’t pin it on anyone with little evidence and no confirmed location of the football. Even though we had shortcomings, our brave investigators will continue to keep an eye out for Commissioner Burke’s missing football, and we hope every player does to have closure on this mystery. Case closed.